The Fire and the Arm
by Sniper Wolf and Her Sniper
Summary: Folken and Dilly are our teachers at school! Oh god! What chaos will go on? And how will my best friend and I deal with it? *CHAPTER 2 UP!* R&R!
1. Class: BURN!

The Fire and The Arm Disclaimer: I do not own anything Escaflowne (boo-hoo.I want Dilly!) Spoilers. You were warned. Mwhahahaha! Mamo-chan is my best friend's nickname. Even though she is a girl, I still call her that.  
  
Sniperwolf walked to school, dragging her feet along the sidewalk.  
  
"Sniperwolf!" cried a voice.  
  
Sniperwolf turned around to see her best friend, Mamo-chan run up to her. "Hello, Mamo-chan. Can you believe it is the first day back already?" Sniperwolf sighed.  
  
"Tell me about. I hardly got to make out with Ben Author's Note: Ben is Mamo-chan's boyfriend. Thank you over the summer." Mamo-chan said, full of sorrow.  
  
Sniperwolf held up her hand, "Ok.shut up! That's enough of that.moving on!"  
  
The two chat and walk up to the school steps. "You know what would be really cool?" said Sniperwolf.  
  
"What?"  
  
"If Dilandau was our teacher." Sniperwolf replied.  
  
"Yeah, that would be so cool! It would be so."  
  
"Evil? Hot? Burning? Fire like? Bloody? Strange?"  
  
"I was going to say fun."  
  
"Oh." Sniperwolf said quickly.  
  
The two walked into school and walked to get their class list. Mamo-chan took a look at hers. "Um, Sniperwolf?"  
  
"What? Who do you have for homeroom?" Sniperwolf asked, eying an Asian guy who walked by.  
  
"Does one of your classes called Burn?"  
  
Sniperwolf looked down at the list, "It's my homeroom. I think it's new."  
  
"It's my homeroom too."  
  
The two walked into homeroom to find the other people in their desks, applying makeup and yapping about stupid stuff, like the new lipstick shade. Sniperwolf and Mamo-chan sat down.  
  
"Who does it say the teacher is?" Sniperwolf asked Mamo-chan, because she was looking at another Asian guy.  
  
"I don't know.it says.Chiku. And how are all these Asian guys in school now?"  
  
"So I will have something for the author to write while you talk! Moving on.Chiku?" Sniperwolf asked, looking at her list.  
  
From in the distance, a girl cried, "How can you like the color red? Pink is so much better!"  
  
"What did YOU JUST SAY?" a voice cried, sounding half crazed.  
  
The Girl looked up and all of a sudden burst in flames. Everyone yelped and the lights turned off. A flickering flame came on somehow.  
  
"Red is wonderful color. It is the color of death. It is the color of blood. It is the color of..fire." a voice muttered.  
  
"Enough of that, Dilandau. You already killed one student today." Said a low voice, who flicked the lights back on.  
  
"Folken?" muttered Mamo-chan.  
  
Yes, it was Folken. He was sitting in a chair, his eyes closed. "Oh, Folken-sama, I was just having some fun." Our favorite pryo complained, blowing out the fire on his finger tips.  
  
Dilandau turned to the class, "I am your teacher, Dilandau. You may call me Dilandau-sama. Not Mr. Dilandau or any of that other stuff."  
  
Everyone nodded, deathly afraid of Dilandau. "This is my co-teacher, Folken-sama."  
  
Folken nodded his head and closed his eyes once more. "We teach the class Burn, in which we go over fire, starting fires, watching fire.and the best of all, enjoying fires." Dilandau sighed.  
  
"Mr. Dilandau?" cried a voice.  
  
Everyone's head spun around to see who dare speak his name wrong. It was Ben. Author's Note: I don't really like Ben. "What did you call me?" Dilandau said, marching up to Ben's desk.  
  
"Mr. Dilandau."  
  
Dilandau slapped Ben, "What are you supposed to call me?"  
  
"Dilandau-sama!" Ben cried, rubbing his cheek.  
  
"I thought so," Dilandau spun around, "Any other.things I need to sort out?"  
  
"Dilandau," Folken said, standing up, "I don't think you are supposed to hurt the students."  
  
Dilandau made a whiny face, "But Folken-sama.why did I take this job anyway? How am I suppose to handle someone who calls me Mr?"  
  
"You ask him to say he is sorry." Folken explained.  
  
Dilandau sighed and turned to Ben, "Say you are sorry."  
  
"Sorry!"  
  
"What did he say, Folken-sama?" Dilandau asked.  
  
"He said he was sorry."  
  
"He'll have to say it in Japanese."  
  
"Why?" asked Folken.  
  
"Because the author likes to write it out!" Dilandau screamed.  
  
Folken nodded and looked at Ben.  
  
"Gomen nasi." Ben muttered.  
  
(Whee! That is so much fun to type!) "I want everyone to say gomen nasi together, so everytime you disobey me, I slap you and you say gomen nasi."  
  
Sniperwolf and Mamo-chan looked at each other and everyone said, "Gomen nasi. Gomen nasi."  
  
"Good." Dilandau said, pleased with himself.  
  
"Can you get to the teaching part now?" Folken asked.  
  
"Ok. This year we will learn all about fires and burning and how great it is to watch a city burn. Then we will learn how to get back at those who have scared your face," to which Dilandau stroked his scar, "Chiku.chiku.chiku.ch-"  
  
"Attention all students and staff, welcome to another year at-"  
  
"DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK WHEN I AM! BURN! MOERO MOERO!" shrieked Dilandau, pulling out a flame thrower and pointing at the speakers.  
  
He pressed the trigger and a tunnel of fire burned the speakers. "That is better." Dilandau sighed, wiping his face.  
  
Folken sighed. Dilandau leaned back in a red chair. "I want everyone to take out a sheet of paper. On this I want you to write your hobbies and your favorite colors, plus what you hate. If I don't happen to like the hobbies or colors you do, it's slapping time. Understand?" Dilandau said. Everyone nodded and started to write. Since Mamo-chan and Sniperwolf were so smart, they even used red ink.  
  
What Mamo-chan Wrote: Favorite Colors: Black and Red Hobbies: Starting fires, fire, burning someone, yelling MOERO MOERO. Slapping people, punching people, flying in a guymelef. Dislikes: When people scar your face.  
  
As long as Sniperwolf and Mamo-chan put down what Dilandau liked, they should be in the clear. What Sniperwolf Wrote: Favorite Colors: Red and Black Hobbies: Slapping people, punching people, starting fires, fire, burning someone, yelling MOERO MOERO! And flying in a guymelef. Dislikes: When people scar your face and kill all your friends.  
  
What AJ Wrote: Favorite Colors: Green and Blue Hobbies: Asking for food, begging for food, bothering people for food, nagging for food.etc. Dislikes: Fire and people not giving me food  
  
Dilandau collected all the papers and stopped quickly, looking at one sheet. Sniperwolf and Mamo-chan glanced at each other, wondering who's paper it was. "Asking for food? Begging for food? Bothering- just who's paper is this?" demended Dilandau.  
  
AJ raised his hand. Dilandau marched over there and slapped him. "Gomen nasi, Dilandau-sama!" cried AJ.  
  
Dilandau did this too everyone when he stopped at the last two sheets of paper. "Fire.moero.scar.Which two wrote this paper in red ink?" he asked.  
  
Sniperwolf and Mamo-chan shaking, raised their hands. "Genuis.pure genuis.Look at this Folken-sama." Dilandau breathed and Folken read over the papers, glancing at the two girls.  
  
"Yes.well.it's nice to know that someone else loves fire as much as you." Folken said, sitting back down.  
  
Dilandau walked up to the two girls, "Perfect. Everyone else but you two have a F in this class." Dilandau said.  
  
"Arigato Dilandau-sama." Replied Sniperwolf and Mamo-chan, bowing their heads.  
  
"We can't have an F! This was only the first grade!" cried Ben. Ben was slapped too.  
  
"This is my class and I can-"  
  
"May I have your-" The speaker boomed.  
  
"What? How does the speaker work? Folken.train the soliders while I go handle the man." Dilandau muttered, cursing at the speaker.  
  
Folken stood up in the front of the class as the man droned on. "When you leave school today, you may not ran into traffic. I myself knows how much fun it is to jump in front of cars," said the principal, "But we cannot do that. If you must, go to the front of a Wal-Mart or something, just-"  
  
He was cut off and muffled sounds of "MOERO MOERO!" was heard in the background.  
  
The sound of a flamethrower clicked on and soon there was silence. Folken shrugged and pulled out a book. "I supose we should get started. Dilandau has fooled around enough. Open your books to page 813, and let's start reading the short story, 'It Sucks to Lose Your Arm.'"  
  
Everyone opened their books. "Before we begin, let me just tell you, NEVER to go dragon hunting."  
  
Mamo-chan raised her hand, "Why Folken-sama?"  
  
"Because this will happen!"  
  
Folken brought his hand behind his cloak to reveal a robot arm. Everyone yelped and hid under their desks, but not Sniperwolf and Mamo-chan. "Cool!" they cried, looking at it.  
  
"I need to keep it oiled once every-"  
  
The door to the classroom opened up and there stood Dilandau. "I've taken care of that man," Dilandau rolled his eyes, "Folken-sama, what are you doing? Showing the soldiers the arm again?"  
  
"Those two liked it." Pointed Folken to Styler and Kristina.  
  
"Yes.well." Dilandau's face went blank.  
  
The class looked on, wondering what is wrong. "Oh dear. Miguel, can you help Dilandau here?"  
  
Miguel walked in and Dilandau started banging his head on a desk. Dilandau spoke, "I'm Dilandau! Hi, I'm Serena. I'm Dilandau! Hi, I'm Serena. I'm Dilandau! Hi, I'm Serena. I'm Dilandau! Hi, I'm Serena! I'm Dilandau." Miguel bitch slapped Dilandau who shook his head and fell to the floor. "JAKUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he cried and Ben got up and slapped him, giggled and sat down.  
  
Dilandau rubbed his cheek, back to normal (what is normal to him, anyway?) "Who slapped me?" Dilandau cried.  
  
Everyone (except Mamo-chan) pointed to Ben. Dilandau slapped him. "Gomen nasi, Dilandau-sama!" cried Ben.  
  
The bell rang and everyone looked around. "BURN BELL!" cried Dilandau.  
  
"No," Folken said, stopping Dilandau, "That means the students go to their next class."  
  
Dilandau blinked twice, "Then what do I do?"  
  
"You have a new group of students to, ahem, teach."  
  
Dilandau's eyes grew round as he pondered this. "You mean new soliders to burn and slap?"  
  
"Um."  
  
"Great!" Dilandau cried.  
  
AJ cried, "You know, if you switched letters around in Dilandau-sama's name, you can get dial!" everyone looked at him and he blushed, "You get dial! Like you dial a number or something..never mind."  
  
Dilandau slapped AJ, "You can all go. I'll see you tomorrow for homeroom. Have a burning day."  
  
Everyone stood up and walked out of the room. "My cheek is swollen." Ben complained.  
  
Mamo-chan winked, "I'll make it feel better." And the two left. (We will not go into detail about what they did since the author does not need people throwing up everywhere.)  
  
AJ walked next to Sniperwolf, who sighed, "Wasn't Dilandau and Folken yummy?"  
  
AJ just looked at her weird, "Sniperwolf," he said strangly.  
  
"Yes, AJ?"  
  
"Can I have some food?"  
  
The slap echoed across the hallway.  
  
Did you like it? I have a sequel and if you asked me really nice, I can put it as chapter two. Do you? Well, R&R then! Flames welcome! 


	2. Dilly, Flamethrowers and Fields, Oh My!

The Fire and The Arm #2  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne or anything from Escaflowne, blah blah blah.  
  
Another Note: Dilly is short for Dilandau. Folkie is short for Folken. Got a problem?  
  
One More Note: MWHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Yet Another Note: Dilandau and Folken are HOT. Arigato.  
  
This is the second chapter. Enjoy!  
  
Sniperwolf and Mamo-chan walked into school.  
  
"I wonder why Dilandau hasn't been out of school for a week?" asked Sniperwolf.  
  
Mamo-chan shrugged, "I don't know."  
  
"It sucks. Dilandau is such a hot guy."  
  
"Yes, he is." Mamo-chan sighed.  
  
"You have a boyfriend, Mamo-chan." Sniperwolf pointed out.  
  
A rose fell in front of them. "Now Sailor Moon!" cried someone.  
  
They looked up to see Tuxedo Mask. He looked around quickly. "Sorry, wrong show." He muttered and left.  
  
Sniperwolf giggled, "A rose! I love roses!" and she took it.  
  
They walked into first period and sat down. "I hope Dilandau is here today." Said Mamo-chan.  
  
"Yeah, school isn't the same when your teacher is a crazy pryo obbessed with fire. And Folken is gone too." Sniperwolf replied, sighing.  
  
There was a little trumpet song played and the Dragonslayers came in and bowed. "Make way for Dilandau-sama!" they cried.  
  
Dilandau walked in, going down the line of Dragonslayers and slapping all of them, "That was fun. Get up." He said and they did.  
  
Folken walked in behind Dilandau, "Sorry we have been gone for so long." He told the class.  
  
"Yes," Dilandau answered, "You see, I had a mental breakdown and turned into Serena, so they had to turn me back. Then I had to fight Van and we had to chase him around-"  
  
"Ok, thank you." Folken said, butting in front of him.  
  
Ben whispered to Mamo-chan, "Oh great. Why does he have to be back?"  
  
Dilandau looked up at him, "Would you like to say that to my face?"  
  
And Dilandau slapped Ben. Everyone cheered. Sniperwolf raised her hand and lowered her eyes. "We missed you, Dilandau-sama." She said, smiling.  
  
Dilandau looked at her oddly and a slight blush came over his face. "You're such a moron." Folken hissed in Dilly's ear.  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"You are clueless around women." Folken muttered.  
  
"Do you feel like getting burned today?" Dilly cried.  
  
"What are we doing today?" whined AJ.  
  
AJ was bitch slapped. *Mwhahahaha! The power of being an author!*  
  
"Gomen nasi, Dilandau-sama." He muttered.  
  
"OK. Today we are going on a field trip." Dilandau said.  
  
Everyone talked happily.  
  
"The Beach!"  
  
"The Park!"  
  
"The Movies!"  
  
"The Mall!"  
  
"Japan!" That was Mamo-chan.  
  
"Um.?_?" AJ was bitch slapped again.  
  
"Spain!"  
  
"The bathroom!" This was Ben, who was slapped too.  
  
"DILLY'S BEDROOM!" cried Sniperwolf.  
  
Everyone looked at her and she sunk in her seat. "We are going to." Dilly started.  
  
Everyone leaned in wondering where. "The Field." Dilly finished.  
  
Crickets chirped. The sound of monkeys could be heard. Everyone looked around at each other. Mamo-chan raised her hand, "Why a field Dilandau- sama?"  
  
"You'll see when we get there." Dilly cackled.  
  
"Dilandau," said Folken, "When the students go on a field trip, it has to be someplace.where they will learn something. Where they will understand something new."  
  
"Really? They will. We havn't covered the Beauty of A Fire yet, have we?" Dilly said, raising one eyebrow.  
  
"Oh no." Folken sighed.  
  
"To the Burning Bus!" Dilly cried.  
  
When the class got to the bus ramp, the discovered why it was called the Burning Bus. It was on fire. Folken took the class back inside.  
  
"We will have to wait.for a new bus." Folken sighed.  
  
Dilly came back in and crossed his arms, "How should I know we couldn't get in the bus?" He said. "I swear, is everyone here-"  
  
"May I have your attention students and staff?"  
  
"Didn't I kill him?" Dilandau muttered to himself, storming off.  
  
"Why do they call it football?" the princpal said, "Sure you kick the ball, but then the players just use their hands and throw the ball. Shouldn't it be called Throwball? That would make a lot more sense, which is why there is a new rule. Football is now known as Throwball in this school. If you are in Gym, you are playing Throwball, not Football. Football is a bad nam- "  
  
There was the sound of maniac laughter and then, "MOERO MOERO!"  
  
Then, Dilandau's voice came over the intercom, "Everyone will burn! BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Then there was the sound of Dilandau coughing and he came back on the mike,  
  
"Which Dragonslayer has clothes cleaning duties this week? Whoever it is, they somehow.got cat hair on my uniform and I'm choking on it! BURN!" Dilandau came back and slapped Guimel and they got on the bus.  
  
"Come on, "Sniperwolf tugged on Mamo-chan, "Let's sit behind Dilly-sama."  
  
Kristina nodded, wanting to sit near Folken. They sat in seat two, with Dilly and Folken in seat one.  
  
"Chiku.Chiku.Chiku." muttered Dilly.  
  
Miguel whined, "There is no place for me to sit."  
  
"Here, Miggly!" cried Sniperwolf.  
  
"Miggly? How the hell did you come up with that?" Mamo-chan asked.  
  
Sniperwolf stared off, "I don't know."  
  
Miguel sat next to Sniperwolf who smiled at him.  
  
"I thought you thought Dilly was hot." Mamo-chan pointed out.  
  
"I do."  
  
"But you like Miguel?"  
  
"I like Miggly but not as much as I like Dilly." Sniperwolf said, annoyed.  
  
"Ok."  
  
Soon, they got off the bus and were at The Field. It went on for awhile and had tall grass. Dilandau cackled, "Let's go soldiers."  
  
"Aren't we students?" AJ asked.  
  
AJ was slapped and Folken just sighed. Finally, the got to the center of The Field and Dilly laughed, pulling out a flamethrower.  
  
"Remember when we learned how to set fires?" Dilly asked.  
  
"No." everyone said in unison.  
  
Dilly shot them a look that could cook chicken. "Um, yeah! Yeah!" everyone cried.  
  
"You can pick a person to work with and everyone will burn down that part of the field."  
  
"Dilandau," Folken's voice rang above the talking, "I don't think that is a bright idea."  
  
"You know what else isn't a bright idea?" Dilly asked, "That purple tear on you."  
  
Folken looked away, angry. Dilly first lit a match, closed his eyes and threw it. AJ's hair went in flames, but no one said anything to him, just snickered. Dilly cackled. "MOERO MOERO!" he screamed.  
  
Sniperwolf and Mamo-chan went to a patch of The Field, holding a flamethrower.  
  
"So we.just.burn it?" Sniperwolf asked.  
  
"Yeah. I guess." Mamo-chan shrugged.  
  
"Why is everyone laughing at me?" came AJ's distant voice.  
  
Sniperwolf snickered and got ready to turn on the flamethrower.  
  
"I think we should get help before we set everything on fire. This is our first time, after all." Mamo-chan said.  
  
"You're right Mamo-Chan." Sniperwolf moved her feet.  
  
"Ok.Let's ask a Dragonslayer for help."  
  
She called over Dragonslayer Gatti.  
  
"Excuse me, Gatti?" asked Mamo-Chan  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Can you help us? This is our first fire."  
  
"Why sure."  
  
Gatti walks past Sniperwolf who stares at him, "He's so hot..not as hot as Dilly or Miggly but hot."  
  
"Do you have a nickname for him too?"  
  
"Hmm..Gat."  
  
"Gat?"  
  
"Yes. Gat looks like a cat, he sits on a mat, and eats a rat.I'm so poetic."  
  
"Righttt.." Mamo-chan said.  
  
"Ok," Gatti said, "All you do is press this button and the fire will shoot out. It takes a second to control it, but you should be fine."  
  
"Arigato, Gatti." Said Mamo-chan.  
  
"Why is it so hot in here?" asked AJ from afar.  
  
"Baka." Muttered Ben.  
  
Mamo-chan starts the fire and it lits The Field on fire. Soon The Field is nothing but ash and mess. "Good job, soldiers. Our guymelefs will be equipped with that too." Dilly said when they were all in a group.  
  
"Damn it is hot in here." AJ complained.  
  
Dilly slapped him for speaking out of turn. His head is still on fire. *MWHAHAHA! Author power!*  
  
There is angry screams from afar and Dallet comes running over. "Dilandau-sama, we should get out of here quickly."  
  
"It's all to make us shine I just know it! I love you, I love you!" Mamo- chan and Sniperwolf sing the Escaflowne Opening Theme Song.  
  
"Gomen." Sniperwolf said quickly.  
  
"Why must we leave?" Folken groaned, "Baka. I knew it. This isn't a field. This is the mayor's lawn. We BURNED the mayor's lawn!"  
  
"Can we burn him?" Dilly asked hopefully.  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Who cares? He is old anyway. He'll probably die when he sees the flames."  
  
"Why is everything red?" asked AJ, who was slapped.  
  
"Let's get out of here!" cried Dragonslayer Shesta.  
  
Everyone does the Scooby Doo Run. You know the run when they are getting chased and they run in place for awhile and oh, who cares, they just ran in place, OK? "Are you the Goddess who will destroy Gaea?" asked a figure.  
  
It was Sora. Sniperwolf groaned.  
  
"Dumbass! You're only in the movie!"  
  
"Oh.yeah.just say this was a cameo. Can you thank me at the end for making this cameo?"  
  
"Yeah Yeah! Just get out of my story. You are ruining the plot." Cried Sniperwolf.  
  
Sora left.  
  
Everyone got back on the bus and quickly they fleed to school. Everyone sat in their desks. "It's even hotter in here!" AJ cried, his head still up in flames.  
  
Everyone snickered and the bell rang. "Where shall I take the other classes for their Field Trip, Folken-sama?" asked Dilly.  
  
"How about.the beach?"  
  
Dilly screamed, "NO! I HATE THE BEACH!"  
  
Everyone asks him how can he hate the beach. He slaps everyone except  
  
Sniprwolf, who hates the beach also.  
  
"Have a burning day." And everyone leaves.  
  
"Wow!" cries Ben, "I didn't get slapped that much! AJ did!"  
  
"Yeah! And his head is still on fire!" exclaimed Sniperwolf.  
  
"Should we tell him?" Mamo-chan asked.  
  
The three look at each other.  
  
"Nah."  
  
The End Should there be another? You tell me, baka! Feel free to flame. But at least review!  
  
Oh yeah.um.special thanks to Sora for making a cameo. Um, yeah. Now go sing that song you always sing which does nothing to the plot.  
  
Just kidding. I like Sora!  
  
You might be wondering why that kid called AJ had it so bad. At the time of writing, I was mad at my friend, AJ, and bashing him badly in this fic. But we are friends again. 


End file.
